I'M ENGAGED (Not really... But here are some thoughts on love.)

Warning: This is my first post in a long time... It might be a little rough. Bear with me. 

A few weeks ago, in my New Testament class, we talked commandments. When I think of commandments, I often think of not killing people, not stealing, not stealing other people's people, etc.  We learned that these are all commandments, but that they were already established before Jesus was born. When our Savior walked the Earth, the only commandment he added to the existing commandments was...

to love one another.

Um. I'm sorry, but am I the only one that finds this little itty bitty commandment extremely difficult? Like it's way harder for me to love the guy that almost hit me with his car (when I totally had the right of way) than it is for me to restrain my murderous tendencies.  Right? Okay. Maybe just me.

These past couple of months have been super rough. I've been in full-time school, full-time work, and full-time stress. My dating life is non-existent. I'm eating more Nutella than is culturally acceptable... The end of the semester seriously can't come fast enough. It's been hard. Really hard. 

Last week, I began to think... what could I personally be doing to make all of this easier? It's a scary thought to think that I have no power in my situation. I have no choice in being happy, I'm just doomed to stress and obesity (seriously... I've been eating way too much Nutella.)

That's where this lesson comes into play.  

L O V E * O N E * A N O T H E R .

I can choose to be happier, less stressed, and it might make me even a little prettier (hopefully)... if I just choose to love others.  And, guess what? This little trick works for everyone, even you. 

Isn't "it won't be easy, but it will be worth it," a Pinterest quote or something? Because it totally is applicable here. This is not going to be easy. Obvi. Being nice isn't always fun. But, as I've seen in my own life... It really will be worth it. By learning to love my brothers and sisters (and arch-enemies) I will learn to love myself. That will make me (and you) happier. 

So here's some steps that I've found to be helpful in this little "love one another" ordeal:

1) Don't gossip. I have yet to find an instance that has hurt my self-esteem as much as the one time I walked into a room and could tell that everyone had just been talking about me. It is without a doubt one of the hardest things to feel. With that being said... why do I find myself talking about others? It's human. I'm sure back in the day, all of the pilgrims sat at the imaginary Thanksgiving dinner table and talked about how Mary-Beth was showing a little too much ankle lately. It's natural to talk about our peers, but that doesn't make it right. Let's try and make a conscious decision to not gossip. If it doesn't involve you, don't talk about it. (This is going to be almost impossible... Just try.)

2) Always smile. ALWAYS. I have self-diagnosed myself with Walking B Face (WBF).  The B stands for a 5-letter word that isn't nice and I can't write it on this blog (I think you all know what I'm talking about.) Whenever and wherever I'm walking, my face is just blank, ergo WBF. I'm always daydreaming or thinking about what I want to eat next. How does that transfer to my outward appearance? I have no emotion, I look angry, etc. So just smile. Smile so much that it becomes something you do without thinking. Make yourself have Walking Smiley Face (equally as weird as WBF but a lot more friendly.) It's very cliche, but you never know who your smile could help.

3) Stop talking about yourself. You are super cool and super interesting. But... so is everyone else. Take a second to get to know whoever you are talking to. Most of the time when I'm listening to someone talk about themselves, I often think, "Wow. This person talks about themself a lot. I wonder if they know how obnoxious they sound..." (I also know everyone thinks this while I talk... I know it.) Well here I am telling you just how obnoxious we all sound when we talk about ourselves. When you find yourself talking about yourself (which happens all too often for me) just STOP IT. Ask the other person a question and let them have their own solioquoy.  It's nice to feel like someone wants to listen to you. 

4) Be genuine. This goes a lot with the stop talking about yourself thing. I also feel like this is one of the hardest traits to develop. Make it a goal to know something about everyone that you bump into regularly. That way when you bump into them you can ask them about that one thing. "How's your humanities class going?" or "What about *insert man's name here*? Anything going on there?" Make some effort to know something about them, and then give advice or just be a friend. Being genuine goes hand in hand with loving someone. It's very easy to seem "nice" but it's 100 times better to be genuine. 

and last but not least...

5) Pray. You and I both know that loving everyone is going to be difficult. I know that I cannot do it on my own. So I (in the most non-judgmental and loving way) am going to go ahead and say that you probably won't be able to take this feat on by yourself either. Pray for a little Heavenly help. Pray for the person that makes you want to hit your head against a brick wall over and over again. Pray for yourself so that you might be able to keep those little sarcastic comments to yourself. Pray for love.

I am not a life guru, my major isn't in psychology, and I most certainly do not know everything. What do I know? I know that Our Savior gave us one commandment that can make all of the difference. We must love one another. 

I love all of you and I want to thank y'all one more time for reading my little ramblings and my thoughts. 

A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you.

John 13:34

(P.s. if I'm mean to you, I'll try to stop and I'll try to love you. Please make it easier for me.)

-Kristen

A Single Girl's Guide to Being Forever Alone.

Listen.  Can you hear it?  It's love.  And... it's in the air. 

Well, not for everyone.  Most certainly, not for me. 

Same.

Valentine's Day has always been my least favorite holiday.  Even on the years when I have had a Valentine or whatever, it still felt weird.  It's not like I'm special... I mean EVERYONE is getting flowers, chocolate, and goodies.  In middle school they literally gave out class lists so that you made a Valentine for everyone in the class, so that everyone was equal.  (Although, you always saved the bigger card or the best candy for that one cutie in class.) THEN, you go to high school, where it was all about who had a Valentine... and who didn't.  It just doesn't seem nice, you know?

Blah, blah, blah.  I don't like Valentine's Day, whatever.  

This post isn't about Valentine's Day, per se.  This is more about being single, especially on Valentine's Day.  

TO PEOPLE WHO AREN'T SINGLE (THE SIGNIFICANT OTHER-LY ENDOWED)

Here are a few things us single people are tired of hearing:

1) How are you single? YOU'RE SO GREAT! 

Oh honey, thanks for reminding me that yes, I am single.  I'm not that great... or else I wouldn't be so... single. Being single sucks.  What else sucks? People saying just how crazy it is that you are single. Ouch. 

2) It'll happen when you least expect it.

Okay.  I'm not expecting it.  ...Has it happened yet?

3) Having a boyfriend/girlfriend isn't that great, trust me.

I'm sorry... I can't hear you over the deafening sound of me being alone.  It is that great, don't lie to me.  I've been there!  Sure, there are downs, but there are always ups.  Don't try and humor the single by making it sound like a relationship is the worst, we all know you're lying.  You aren't fooling anyone!

5) Ugh, they don't deserve you.  You're too good for them.

Is this a thing?  Am I really TOO good for them? So much that they need to not date me?  No.  I liked them, they didn't like me, that's it.  Let's not try to make things worse. Plus, the whole "deserve" thing makes me sad, like I don't want someone else telling this guy they deserve better than me... that's just rude.  So I have no right to think that someone doesn't deserve me, that I'm above him (even if it's true...)  It's just not nice.  Let's be nice.

4) I CAN'T believe that you're single!

One last time... don't bring up the fact that your single friends are, in fact, single.  Or that it's crazy that they're single, I can tell you without a single doubt that they already know that they are single.  I know that I am single... We definitely do not need you there to hammer that final nail into the coffin.

Leslie Knope gets it... life sucks. Sometimes the "good guys" don't like us, and the "gross ones" love us.  Let's try to not rub it in, yeah?

TO THE CUTIES W/ BOOTIES LIKE ME THAT ARE... SINGLE

What is good about being single? Well... here is my personal list of things that are great about riding solo:

1) You get to figure out who you are.  

Want to learn to play the ukulele? Do it! Want to binge watch all of Friends? Do it! Want to strengthen your own testimony through personal scripture study? Do it!  This is your time to decide who you want to be.  

You might already be good, but there is better, and there is best.  Obviously we want to strive to be the best.  The best time is now.  Plus, I'd rather meet my new boo-thang when I'm already the cool confident I-just-fought-the-Huns Mulan and not makeup-smeared 'Who is that girl I see?" Mulan.  You know?

2) ....

Well, I don't have a number 2.  There really is only one pro that comes with being single that I can see.  In my opinion, we weren't meant to be alone.  Sure, we can survive, be a lone wolf, roam the Earth alone, but that's not how it's meant to be.

My advice?  If you are alone... don't wallow in it.  Accept it.  You are single.  Love it. Don't purposefully stay single forever, but don't be depressed about it. The moment you get into a relationship, it's going to be about the two of you.  Want to go camping that weekend?  Awesome, but first you need to see if he's free.  Want to go grab Thai food?  Make sure he hasn't eaten yet.  It's all about the other person.  This is your only time to do you.  So do it!  Make sure you are own personal Beyonce (the word Beyonce can be switched out for the word perfect) by the time you meet your future someone. 

Don't let Valentine's Day get the best of you.

Remember: all of this is my own opinion.  

My name is Kristen, I'm Single, ready to mingle, and I like to eat Pringles. (Also, I'm dating Channing Tatum. So.. yeah.)

Cramps, Virgin Lips, and Manicures! Oh my!

I've been lucky enough to always have amazing guy friends. I'm not the "I don't hang out with girls because they are too much drama" type of girl. I'm just the "I'm friends with everyone" girl.

(Fun fact: The "I don't hang out with girls because they are too much drama" girl really needs to be a red flag for you guys out there. That actually translates from girl talk to normal people words to be "I am crazy and I cause drama with girls... So I just hang with boys." Just an FYI.)

These past few weeks there have been many instances where I was the only (or one of two) girl(s) hanging out with a group of young men. During these hangouts, my guy friends have said things either about girls or to girls that made me realize that they have no idea what's going on inside a girl's head. I mean sure, girls can be confusing, I think that's an obvious. BUT, I think that guys are taking this "men are from Mars and women are from Venus" thing to a whole new level. They just assume things. You know what happens when you ass(u)me..

So, I'm taking it upon myself to clear up a few misconceptions. This is for the guys so that they know what is really going on in a girl's head. This is also for the girls so that they can finally see what guys are saying.

Stupid Idea #1: "I don't want to ask her out. I don't want her to think I love her..."

One of my favorite people in the world said this, and if he is reading this, I doubt he will even remember saying it. The reason I have included this in the misconceptions is because I have heard it said so many times!

Friend #1: Why don't you ask out *insert girl name here*?
Friend #2: Oh, I don't know. She's cool. I just don't know if I like her like that. 
Friend #1: Well... it won't hurt to just go on one date.
Friend #2: But I don't want her to think I'm like.. In love with her.

WOAH. NO. NO. NO. NO.

Listen, dating is great. Just like a sport or a skill, it's something you have to practice, So ask that girl on a date. You know why? Because she's cool. If it doesn't work out, then you'll have that experience or maybe even a new friend. If you still have that mentality that girls will just fall in love you, you probably need to mature a little with a little more dating practice anyway. Take that girl on a date. Trust me, she won't think that you are in love with her. TRUST ME.

Stupid Idea #2: "You have cramps? Ouch. It must suck to be a girl."

Yes. Women are biologically different than men. Does that mean that you have to point it out every five seconds? No. Should you blame a girl crying or a girl that is angry on their "time of the month"? No.

Helpful tip: If it IS her "time of the month" and you blame whatever is happening on that.. you lose. If it ISN'T her "time of the month" and you blame whatever is happening on that.. you lose.

Just don't do it. Listen to her, make her feel normal, give her Advil. It'll all be okay.

Stupid Idea #3: "She hasn't kissed anyone yet, she needs someone to break her in.. Might as well be me."

Oh honey. No. If that girl hasn't kissed someone yet, she isn't going to waste it on you. I feel like we live in a generation of super low standards. Kim K is butt-naked (literally) all over the internet, every song we hear on the radio is about a crazy one night stand, and babies are out there having babies. We need to start respecting high standards. 

If her standard is she won't kiss until after the 3rd date? Good! If she hasn't kissed someone yet, that's probably because there hasn't been anyone worth kissing. Respect that. Please, oh sweet dear goodness, don't take it upon yourself to de-virginize her lips. K. Thanks.

Stupid Idea #4: "I don't even look at a girl if her nails aren't done. She needs to wear blank, blank, blank. She needs to look like blank and blank. And she HAS to blank and blank."

I have a wall with magazine photos of very attractive men all over it. But it's just so unrealistic. I mean, do I think Liam Hemsworth is a very, VERY, attractive man? Yes. Should I set a goal for nothing less than him? Well, let's just say if I do.. I'll be very lonely.


It's great to have a little check-list. But maybe instead of this:

"Must be under 5'5, tan, perfectly manicured nails, perfect smile, and eyebrows on fleek." 

Maybe something more like,

"Great smile that can make me smile, a contagious laugh, cares about others as well as herself, and confident."

Obviously, you need to find someone that you're attracted to. Just, maybe you shouldn't be so harsh. Or if you are going to be that picky, don't be so vocal about it around other girls. It puts us down. Let's face it, most of the guys out there looking for a "10" are like.. a "7". And that's being nice.

Remember: If they don't want to date you, they are wrong. You'z a dime.

Boys, I love you. I just thought I would clear up a few things.  We are just like you. I'm sure saying things about the way you look, your bodily functions, or putting down your standards wouldn't make you feel great. Just be careful about what you say.


And remember.. girls are pretty cool too.

Girls rule, boys drool (and vice versa.)

This year has been one for the books, that's for sure.  I've changed.  Alot.  The way I think, the way I dress, and my opinion on Kanye West has all changed. (I can't respect the name 'Yeezus')

Also on that extensive list of changes? The way I view dating in Provo, Utah.

You see, if you would have asked me a year ago what I thought about dating in Provo, I would've told you this:

Dating in Provo sucks.  People are always looking for the next best thing.  Even if you are dating someone, and it seems like it's going well... it's not.  Because it will end soon due to the fact that the either you or your prospective other is constantly searching to find someone better. 

But now, in my graceful transition into maturity, I've realized that all of that is wrong.  Not only did I realize that those things were wrong, but now I have tips for myself and for others.  

You marry who you date.  So date.  That's how you'll meet people.  You'll learn what you like, what you dislike.  If you would've asked me before the summer of 2013 how I felt about guys and motorcycles I would've said, "Oh. That's hot." Now? Eh, I would much rather a guy with four wheels.  

So here are some things I've learned so far through my little dating experiences:

#1 If he likes you, you'll know.

We need to stop looking into things so much.  It doesn't matter if he brings you a bagel in the morning or if he touches your elbow.  If he likes you, HE will let you know.  I have sat on my living room floor for hours talking about all of the little things these guys do, and why those things mean that they love me.  But do they? No.  How do I know? Because I'm on my floor, not on a date with him.

Which brings me to..

#2 If you like them, let them know.

I want to just reiterate one more time just how long I've spent laying on my floor talking to my best friends about how much I like these guys.  Hours.  Seriously, hours.

"It's just so cute how he reads his Scriptures every day and then journals."

or 

"I can just talk to him for hours about nothing... Ahh.  He's perfect."

If he is so perfect, tell him.  One of two things will happen. Either he will say:

"Oh, I like you too.  Let's go out." 

Or

"Oh, I like you too.  It's just... you're like one of my best friends."

If it's the first one, CONGRATULATIONS.  If it's the second one, move on honey, you've wasted enough time.  

Remember: You are Beyonce.  Always.

and then my last piece of advice...

#3 You do you baby girl.

I've shed too many tears over boys.  But how do I get over it?  By remembering that it's not the end of the world.  You marry who you date.  You're not dating anymore? Then you're not getting married.  On to the next one.

Repeat after me: "I look good, I feel good, and baby.. I am good."

Focus on yourself, don't let past dating horror stories bring you down.  There are plenty of fish in the sea.  But really though, there are too many. Too many for you to be hung up on this one.

Put on a cute shirt, nice jeans, and spray a little perfume. Be social. Be happy. Because (as I've learned this past year) dating in Provo really isn't that bad. 

P.S. I'm available most weekend nights, for any of you inquiring on my behalf. ;)