Losers That Sit Outside of Smith's

I think that the best feeling in the world is when you are surrounded by friends and loved ones; you are just happy. That moment when you can look around the room at everyone and just smile; that's the best feeling in the world.

What's one of the worst feelings in the world? Being in that same room surrounded by friends and loved ones, but feeling completely and utterly alone.

It happens. 

Last winter I found myself in a self-proclaimed schlump.  

Reasons For The #WinterSchlump2014

1. I was broken.  Literally.  I had broken my hand in three places that previous December in a freak accident. (Not really, just late night sledding gone wrong.)
2. In relation to number 2, I couldn't wear long sleeved shirts, or jackets.  If I did, it was more like a pancho-jacket. Which wasn't cute, trust me. I was cold. All. The. Time.
3. I was working as a waitress. That's it. Normally I had two jobs, but at this point, just dealin' out fajitas and salsa.
4. My poor family back home were dealing with red-headed issues. That in itself was a schlump.
5. Last but not least, due to the painkillers I was on for the hand, I was just kind of... out of it.

Now, this wasn't really that bad. I can look back now and tell myself to stop being a baby.  But at the time? It was the worst thing ever.

I vividly remember going to Smith's with all of my friends.  I told them that I had to make a phone call, but really I just didn't want to be around anyone.  So I sat by myself on a bench outside of Smith's in the snow.

For the sake of not looking like a total loser, I called my Dad to make it look like I wasn't just sitting on a bench outside of Smith's in the snow.

He answered, "Hello?" And it just all rushed out. I just started crying. The only words that came out of my mouth were, "I'm not happy.  I can't do this anymore. I'm not happy."

My Dad is the best. I'm not exaggerating.  He gave me some beautiful father advice. It was sweet. But still, I was sitting on a bench. Outside of Smith's. In the Snow. Crying.

(Just a visual of what I looked like.)

Anyways, a few days went by.  I just tried to keep busy and to try to forget the little break down I had.

Then, Kristi, my amazing Stepmom, sent me a text with this post. She told me that it had helped her and that I should read it.

http://lemmonythings.com/2014/01/05/god-will-give-you-more-than-you-can-handle-i-guarantee-it/

So that's what I'm doing here, right now. This blog has helped me, and I'm saying that you should read it.

My Heavenly Father knows me, He loves me.  I was so used to thinking that everything was easy if I was doing what I was supposed to be doing.  I was going to church, I went to FHE (more like I was forced to, as I was the FHE mother), and I was doing things in the right way.

BUT, I hadn't asked for His help.  I was just expecting my Heavenly Father to know what I need.  I mean, He does, but still, I have to ask.

He IS going to give us things we can't handle.  He WILL present us with decisions that seem impossible.  He IS going to give us trials we don't understand.

Why? Because He loves us.  He loves me.  He loves YOU. He wants each of us to come to Him.  I now know that if I do come unto Him, with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, that I will be able to be healed.

That's what I did that winter.  I got down on my knees, and I prayed.  I prayed harder than I've ever had to pray, asking for help.  Asking to not feel so alone.  And what happened? I realized I never was alone.  That He was always right there beside me.

This is one of my favorite photos.  Jesus is there, He is willing to help us through all of this, but He can't open the door.  We have to let Him in.

Don't let there be a #WinterSchlump2015.